Captain Jack (UC) deletes Golden Wrench #22

Anyone playing Team Fortress 2 last night was probably surprised to see that Captain Jack (UC), one of the appointed Golden Charity Wrenchers, had deleted his wrench with seemingly no warning, two days early.

Shortly after this had transpired, I was able to speak to the Captain. After administering a 35-minute lecture on addressing a superior naval officer, he explained the situation behind the premature eradication.

In what appears to be a textbook case of risk/benefit analysis, Captain Jack deleted his wrench when he realized his laptop was no longer taking in power from the wall, and had a limited battery life remaining. Would the battery last until Tuesday? Would his computer require massive repairs? If he wasn’t online to read Ctrl + Alt + Del, would the artists commit seppukku with the loss of their entire fanbase?

With no time to ponder such questions, Captain Jack decided to go down with the ship. After all, wouldn’t it be better to delete the Wrench a little early than to end up in a situation in which he couldn’t delete it for a week?

I can’t begin to imagine the shitstorm that might have resulted from that alternative, but it would probably involve a large number of slightly incensed Internet posts. Is that the kind of world you want to live in? Not bloody likely.

So, Captain Jack, I salute you. Your Wrench may be dead, but your computer spirit lives on forever.
Thank you for joining this cause and for helping us make this fundraiser a massive success.

With the eye of the Administrator upon him, Captain Jack prepared a golden Spycrab sacrifice, then threw the Golden Wrench into the seething fires of Mount Lolcano, destroying it irrevocably. (True story, actual in-server screenshot)