Top Tier Tips: Get a brain, moran!

Do you have a personal disaster you’re unable to solve? Ask Top Tier Tips for life-changing, semi-legal personal advice. New questions answered every week.Do you have a personal disaster you’re unable to solve? Ask Top Tier Tips for life-changing, semi-legal personal advice. New questions answered every week.

College is for Chumps

Hey TTT,

Whats a good “i havent done my homework excuse” :D

-Man Without Dog

Dear Man Without Dog,

It’s a shame that you can’t take advantage of our Homework Eating Dog Training course (Now for the low low price of $299.99). In lieu of that amazing offer, try one of the following.

• I was too busy shopping for newer and fancier hats.
• You’re the man! (And therefore I had to stick it to you)
• I’m a conscientious objector to homework.
• I refuse to support your killing of trees to print my homework!
• My house was pillaged by time traveling Vikings and aliens stole it from the smoldering remains.
• Fuck you.*

Use these a few times and you’ll be well on your way to sliding through school with the bare minimum grade in no time!

Best of Luck,
Rabid Ferret

I Love Spammers

Dear Top Tier Tactics,

I noticed that you have previously published articles regarding Facebook on your website as such; I anticipate that you may be interested in writing about our instant messaging start-up Chit Chat.
Chit Chat is a popular desktop Facebook Chat Instant Messenger that supports chat history, text formatting, emoticons and plenty of other features.
Chit Chat has been reviewed and written about by PCMag (US Magazine), PC Advisor (UK Magazine) and AllFacebook  in addition to many other sites  as well as hopefully soon your website.
You can find more information about Chit Chat on our website or simply download the product and find out for yourself.
I look forward to reading your article & hearing from you.

Signed,
Man of Spam

Dear Man of Spam,

Thank you for your interest in googling all blogs who have ever used the word Facebook. As it turns out, just becuase we’ve written 2 articles that had very little to do with Facebook, we have no interest in products such as yours. Luckily, we do absolutely love ripping cheap PoS products like yours to shreds!

First, I’m going to give you a bit of free advice. If you’re going to reference articles about your products, I’d avoid using articles in which you are given a barely passing review and your competitors are specifically recommended over yours. Especially if this article is the only one written by a blog that anybody gives a crap about (It’s a well established fact that nobody cares about any site other than Top Tier Tactics.)

Second, the Internet needs fewer Facebook integration widgets, not more. It seems like you can’t pirate a few MP3s or surf virus porn sites for ten minutes anymore without some annoying popup asking you to “buy items on this site with your Facebook friends!” or “everyone and they’re mom’s watching porn together on Facebook!” While I take exception to the fact that these sites have been monitoring my mother’s Facebook activities, I take greater exception to the presumption that my friends give a damn about what I’m doing. Chances are, when my friends want to know what I’m doing, they’ll call me, e-mail me, or stalk me on Facebook without the aid of your widgets. You know, the normal way.

Dire in a fire,
WiNGSPANTT

What can has be sentence?

By letting me know everthiing there is to know about games I play.

-Matt

Dear Matt,

Gamefaqs.

Cheers,
WiNGSPANTT

*Top Tier Tactics is not responsible for any detention, wrist slappings, or suspensions that may result from the use of this excuse.