Dealing with trolls, haters, and creepy arcade hobos [1]

You can't spell 'control' without 'troll.'

While Top Tier Tactics has been advertised as a site dedicated to trolling in certain circles, I hope I’ve never given anyone the impression and wanton trolling is a desirable way of life. There’s a time and a place for trolling, but if we hope to build a better society, the line has to be drawn somewhere, whether it be a funeral or a wedding…. or really any time at which being a jerk will cost you more than you care to live with.

Of course, if we are to join civilization, there’s no doubt we will run across trolls of our own both online and in real life. Call it troll karma, call it fate, but it’s a troll-or-be-trolled world out there, and maintaining one’s sanity will require careful planning and airtight execution. Or, you know, counter trolling.

What are the best ways to deal with the undesirables we encounter every day? It depends on who’s in your grill and what’s at stake.

Here are three real life events that recently caused me to doubt my faith in humanity and reconsider declining subscription renewal to Guns and Ammo Magazine. Each poses a different problem… what would you do?

No taunting, no items, Final Destination.

In preparation for a local Super Street Fighter IV tournament, I hit Xbox Live for some Endless Lobby sessions. After hours of matches, I had faced players of every level of skill, each playing different characters. It was great fun, constructive practice, and a nice break from the rage-inducing Ranked mode fights. That is, until I had the pleasure of fighting MTSL Pernski.

I don’t recall who Pernski was using, but I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that  he was being kind of an ass. No, he didn’t have his microphone on, nor did he do anything stupid like waste time on the character clock. But anyone well-versed in online Street Fighter will agree that somehow, somehow, you can just tell when your opponent is a condescending jerk. Maybe he’s using unsafe setups to try to humiliate you, or he’s mashing SRKs because he has the life lead and he can. Pernski had the lead on me our entire bout, but before the finishing blow I took a second to jump back, charge up… and taunt.

We’ve discussed the strategic value of taunts before, and, sure enough, Pernski entered rage mode, allowing me to secure victory. He was a worthy opponent overall, and while I was considering sending him a GG message, I got one from him instead:

I was baffled. Sure, if he had just said, “don’t taunt,” I would have disagreed, but at least I would understand. But what was I to make of this? I didn’t know who his main character was while I was fighting him, and he was good enough that I was none the wiser. Then, according to his logic, taunting is rude… except in one particular circumstance? Finally, I can’t imagine how taunting makes anyone “look retarded” when they immediately proceed to win following said taunt.

Arrogant? Sure.
Asinine? But of course.
Retarded? No.*

Perplexed, I replied asking who MTSL Pernski’s main character was. At this point I could guess it was Vega (as is mine) based on his profile icon. Right before our next match, he responded:

Okay so that makes perfe- wait, what the fuck? What the hell is this supposed to mean? Apparently, in Pernski’s world, taunting is reserved for a specific kind of match that can never actually exist. Aside from that, what’s the lmao-level jubilation supposed to represent? How funny it is that he has de facto denied me the right to taunt him? That he has effectively mastered the butchery of English in its written form? That his Vega is too beautiful to risk losing a round with?

Resolution

Pernski came back in the rotation, this time playing as T. Hawk. What would any honorable Spanish ninja do?

• Beat him within an inch of his life
• Taunt from across the screen
• Win the round with a perfect
• Close the trade window Turn off the Xbox 360
• Write a blog post about it

MTSL Pernski, I’m not interested in playing by your fabricated rules of honor, disgrace, and laughing one’s ass off for no discernible reason. If you want to bring your A-game, that’s fine; I’m always willing to learn something new about Vega and the intricacies of Street Fighter. But for god’s sake, don’t complain if you aren’t going to man up, throw down, and spell out complete words.

Stay tuned for more examples of rage, hate, trolling, and the utterly bizarre.

*Well, at least not full retard.