The dangers of things that rhyme with chortle

FINISH HER! (Just don't tell us how you did it or what happened afterwards.)

Since Portal 2 and Mortal Kombat are two of the only games I’ve eagerly anticipated in months, tomorrow’s an exciting day. While you’re reading this site, odds are I’ll be at the store picking up the goriest fighting gem known to Earthrealm or on Steam playing a puzzling round of Portal 2. Realistically speaking, you’ll be doing the same.

While I ooze with Spy Juice nostalgia and try to hold back my personal hype, I would like to issue a stern warning to the gaming community: Please watch the fucking spoilers.

Both Portal and Mortal Kombat are franchises built on secrets, surprises, and mystery, and we all know how quickly every aspect of the original Portal became internet memes the last time around. Visiting a Mortal Kombat message board for twelve seconds already spoiled half the secret cast and the hidden fatalities that would normally be slowly revealed via unlocks or via my own executions online.

While you do your best to control your urges to make your Facebook status a Portal 2 ending meme or you try to send a post about CYBER RAIDEN IS THE SECRET BOSS AFTER THE LAST LAST BOSS to the top of Reddit, I’ll be closing all my internet tabs and just playing the damn games.

If that doesn’t protect me from having everything spoiled, I give up on modern society.