Useful gaming accessories (that you probably didn’t think about)

So I’ve been pretty ill again lately and unable to sit down for <AVERAGE ARTICLE WRITE TIME> to get anything done. What would any sane person do in this situation? Probably just take it easy and put a little something together. What have I done? Shaved off half my beard and dug out one of my application articles from November 2010. Enjoy!

This isn't my reaction, but instead the reaction of literally everyone else when I told them what I'd done.

If the release of the Wii is anything to go by, the market is soon to be flooded with a plethora of accessories for the Playstation Move and Kinect. With things leading up to Christmas as well, it’s easy to imagine a large number of people getting pieces of plastic that don’t really do anything from grandparents who mean well but ultimately fall short of the mark (there is the option of asking for cash but come on, Christmas is all about the presents).

That’s not to say all accessories are bad; the Play and Charge kit for the Xbox 360 has prevented me from buying crates of batteries this year and can double as a crude auto asphyxiation device* but finding something of real use to a gamer can be a real ball-ache, especially if they already have some essentials like a headset with shiny knobs and switches. To help out with that, I’ve compiled this quick list of essential gaming accessories that can also double as a really lazy gift ideas list!

Luminescent clock

“A clock?!” I hear you cry, “I have one of those on my desktop. And my phone. And my smartphone. And my dog. Why would I need another bigger time keeping device when I can look at any of these? You’re a hack and nobody loves you.”

Now all of that may be true, but just how often do you look at the time when you’re in a game and don’t plan on going anywhere? We’ve all been in the situation of really getting into a game and forgetting about such nuisances as eating, personal hygiene and feeding the abomination against nature which is the Glow in the Dark Digital WatchDog™ which often leads to us being late for work trying to explain the armpit stains and the smell of rotting meat mixed with radium. What’s worse is that we do the exact same thing a couple of days later; we completely lose track of time and play a game for far too long.

With a proper wall-mounted clock that you can see in the dark (no one gets up to turn the lights on when late-night gaming, we all know this to be true), you can just occasionally glance over and have a miniature spaz attack when you see that it is, in fact, two o’clock in the morning and you frantically reassure yourself that you can probably come up with an excuse as to why you won’t get the report handed in on time.** It’s not always a definitively preventative, but it can at least limit the damage done.

Double Whopper with cheese (no pickle), large fries, large Coke

You know when you get the urge… when the damn Burger King is closed. Keep one of these babies close at all times and never fall into the dark place ever again.

Alcoholic drink of choice

This is mostly for the FPS players out there more than anyone else but hell, try it out anyway and it could help. Whereas many gamers swear by filling themselves up with Powerthirst™, rushing around jittering with caffeine isn’t always going to be the best idea; you’re likely to run into traps, disregard your teammates and then be stuck watching a respawn timer when all you want to do is run around really really fast. Instead, drink a small amount of alcohol. Not only does it make you relax that tad bit more and take in what’s going on around you, but three beers will also put less strain on your heart than three cans of Monster Chaos™, reducing the chances of both heart attacks and nerd rage. You could try to mix the best of both worlds by drinking Four Loko™ but that way doth madness lie. Madness and cringe worthy trips to the hospital.

*Not to be used in conjunction with the Xbox LIVE vision camera.
**”I honestly thought it was a member of the Nigerian royal family” works once and only once.