Top Tier Tips: Assassin’s Creed Blunderhood

I refuse to love someone who takes 55 minutes to do their hair before we can go to the fucking mall.

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Dear TTT

How did you enjoy your ‘pure assassin’ run? Rate outta 10?
and yes i know im evil to of typed it in but still dont blame me blame your fans!
I ONLY WANT TO BE LOVED!

From
Unloved yugi686

Dear Unloved yugi686,

I’d rate my “pure assassin” run in Brotherhood a 31,000 out of 10. Sure, I didn’t win the match, but considering I was playing with one hand tied behind my back, I’m certainly not disappointed in my performance. As for your role in the matter, I only have one thing to say…

Thank you, yugi. While I wasn’t going to outright fish for any specific suggestions, I was secretly hoping a comment like yours would reach the top of the pile. After all, while playing with terrible abilities like Sprint Boost might sound good in theory, it makes for significantly less entertaining footage.

While I can’t give you love, I can give you something else entirely. That’s right, yugi, I made a new video just for you!

Cheers,
WiNGSPANTT

Hello,

I don’t know if you’ve talked about this earlier, but what would be the optimal method to combat roof runners. In the PC version, it’s literally full of them, so you can’t just wait for them to drop down without being stabbed by a 100 point kill. I do in the end get around their score with nearly half their amount of kills, but it’s ridiculous finding your target only seeing them run towards their horizon like an Ethopian with a McDonalds food voucher.

What would you say you would do?
Thanks,
Anon.

Dear Anon,

There’s an easy way to deal with roof runners, but it only works on PC.

First, while playing Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood, make sure you are running an IP logging program in the background. You won’t be able to know which of your opponents is connected via each address, so make sure you note all of them. After the game is over, send a forward tracker pulse to each IP address and decrypt any multichannel firewalls using the EWA keys you saved during your Brotherhood game (there are only 7, so it shouldn’t take long to guess the correct one).

When you’re past the computer’s initial defenses, it’s time to find some personal information. Names, addresses, credit card numbers. You basically want to steal whatever you can in the first week or so, usually referred to as a Personal Serialized Non-identifying hack. Where you go from there is up to you, but your best bet is to ruin their credit histories and plunge them into bankruptcy for the rest of their lives. That’ll teach those assholes to lame out in a video game.

Cheers,
WiNGSPANTT