Top Tier Tactics: “Diablo 3 is confirmed for consoles.” [UPDATE: We were right.]

All right Blizzard, the jig, gig, and pig are all up. No matter how coyly you wish to hint at the console release of Diablo 3, there’s only so much teasing we gamers can take.

Only so many hints and seductive winks that can accumulate before we are forced, by your actions, to do the unthinkable…

Confirm your own game releases for you.

If you won’t do it yourselves, it appears you leave us no choice but to announce that Diablo 3 will be released for Xbox Blast and Playstation 4 in 2013/2014.*

Now, some of our newer readers might be saying to themselves, “Self, I am fairly certain that in most circumstances, people unaffiliated with a given organization cannot make official statements for said organization.” And while you’re right on one level (the “legal” one), you’re wrong in so many other ways. Let’s review the facts:

1. Releasing Diablo 3 on consoles will result in massive financial gain
2. This release poses almost no risk of loss nor a substantial initial investment
3. Activision is a capitalist cancer that feeds off the potential of profit
4. Torchlight Competitors are closing in on Blizzard’s territory
5. Diablo 3’s control tweaks all point towards console streamlining

Blizzard may claim it isn’t actively working on Diablo 3 for Xbox and Playstation 3, and we’re certain that, when the time comes for their second announcement (this being their first), they’ll pretend the decision was made late in the development process. But we know better. We know that wherever dollar bills lurk and consumer hype persists, Bobby Kotick’s reptilian tongue salivates at the prospect of revenue. Make no mistake, Diablo 3 was planned from the start for current gen console tech – though don’t be surprised to see Wii U get some loving, too.

They took out click-intensive potions and replaced them with magnetic health orbs? Consoles confirmed. They simplified the inventory and made it easy to switch between weapons? Consoles confirmed. They removed skills that require X/Y mouse click coordinates and replaced them with radial command abilities? Consoles confirmed. Money is green and is still the source of Activision’s soul-harvesting power? Consoles fucking double-confirmed.

And… oh yeah, some developer at Blizzard also kind of mentioned it in an interview with Eurogamer. But where’s the fun in confirming things sans wild, irresponsible conjecture?

Update: Diablo 3 confirmed for Playstation 4

While few details have been released (a Blizzard rep mentioned that 4-player, same-console co-op would be available), Diablo 3 has been officially confirmed for Playstation 4 release. Of course, given my opinion on Diablo 3, I’m not optimistic it will be one of the better titles on Sony’s new console.

* Blizzard Time.